Season: 1 Episode: 8 - “Defining Moments
Intro Music: Royalty Free
Promo: BuzzSprout Services
Grand risings and runnings, framily, and welcome back to our Joy in the Midst of It All podcast show. I am your host - Aminah Amarachi.
Before we begin our show for today, I have just one question for you…How ‘bout them hog maws…lol…yep, city girl still one, country boy still zero…
Now, let’s continue our journey…
Have you ever found yourself going along about your day, or your life for that matter, and you find yourself presented with an experience that shifts the trajectory of your journey? I call these defining moments. You know those moments which once you have experienced them you know deep in your bones that there is no turning back and that you are changed forever. Each choice that you make after such defining moments are rooted in how you either embraced, embroiled, or handled all previous moments. So, in this episode, I will share with you a defining moment, one of many, which became the seed that ultimately became the idea for this podcast, and a future same titled accompanying book. More on that later.
Today’s Episode: “Defining Moments”
The year: Any year, at any time, in your life
The date: You get to choose
The scene:
There are too many defining moments to name in one episode, yet I would like to say that for our Dad, one defining moment for him was when it finally landed in his spirit that he was indeed on the Alzheimer’s journey. For me, my defining moment was when I realized (after the fact) that the last time I saw my Mama, was actually the last time I would see her. That one was truly out of left field for me, yet I am grateful for our last time together. We were all together. It was filled with celebrations all around. I am grateful that that was the last “laid eyes on and spent time with her” moment that God blessed us with. Thank you, God, for that.
The Story:
Today I’ve decided to share with you a defining moment that I experienced while walking alongside our Dad, as his caregiver, during his journey through Alzheimer’s.
After attending various medical appointments with our Dad, I realized that the language being used, in and around him, and about him, regarding his conditions and their place in his life were unacceptable to me. And because I always intend to remain aware that words are powerful creators, be it life or death, I tend to look for the meaning beneath the literal meaning that someone may tell me that a word is supposed to mean, even if I have to research the original etymology of that word.
The word that I am referring to is the possessive use of the word “have.” When a person receives a diagnosis of a condition, the language that tends to be used is, “He has such, and such, condition or disease.” Well, given that words do have (pun intended) power, the idea of our Dede HAVING a disease which in turn meant that the condition or disease HAD him didn’t set right with my shanana. It sounded as if you were opening up the door to your home, inviting the condition or disease in, and allowing it to sit on your sofa, place it’s feet under your dinner table, and make itself at home, forever. NOT on my watch.
Given that we are spiritual beings, having a human experience, empowered with the same presence, knowing, and power of our creator, this felt like a premature death sentence. They were not mindful of the conversation that they were having which was swirling around our Dede. If that conversation was allowed to exponentialize to the point that it landed in and took root in his mind, it would then become outpictured in his journey. For me, that felt like a defeated way to approach any defining moment in life, even before they started, when we have all been given the power to pick up our beds and walk.
Stay tuned for more right after our FIRST spotlight moment…
Spotlight Moment #1:
Today's first spotlight moment was truly a defining moment for our Dad, thanks to Regal Nails Salon and Spa. This was his first time having a pedicure, a manicure, and sitting in a vibrating massage chair. The look on his face when the chair started moving up and down his spine was priceless, and thanks to the wonderful staff there, we were able to support our Dede with his journey through diabetes by letting the professionals take care of him. They listened to what we needed and obliged us graciously. Thanks Regal Nails Salon and Spa, in Avondale Estates.
Now, back to our show…
Welcome Back
After having that defining moment, I made the conscious choice to only speak of our Dede journey as a journey. When people would ask me why I spoke of it this way, I would tell them that like in Robert Frost’s poem - Two Roads Diverged in the Woods - our Dede, along with God, always had the power to journey along either the path of healing and restoration or the path of succumbing to sickness, suffering, and death. And, no one gets to speak over his life, nor take the options off the table from him.
So, as I view it, the condition didn’t HAVE him, nor did he HAVE a condition. He was on a journey, of his choosing, which would culminate in whichever way he wanted it to. This pivot in perspective allowed us to navigate his journey in a less stressful way, which was beneficial for all concerned, and it allowed us to place more focus on creating wonderfully joy filled moments.
My Reflections:
If we unconsciously go through life uttering words that have the power to create life or death, sickness or health, poverty or prosperity, love or fear, then we end up haphazardly creating undesired life experiences which we then get mad about when they show up exactly as we spoke them into existence.
In addition we often waste time failing to take full responsibility for those words that we spoke which became our life experiences, i.e I had previously written and stated (and found the paper I’d written it on years later) that based on my Dad’s journey, up until that point, I would end up being his caregiver, and low and behold the Universe obliged me. Thus, be ready for more defining moments i.e. I call them grand opportunities to adjust our thinking, emoting, speaking, and responding to our lives, so that we leave the door open to create new desired moments.
My Insight:
When a person is on a journey, versus being HAD or BOUND to a condition, or label or whatever someone would like to tell you about them, there are more options presented to them. In the case of a health condition those options are to journey back into health through restoration or to journey forward succumbing to sickness, suffering, and death, often with a sense of defeat, and regrets, without even putting up a good fight.
Now, it’s time for our next Spotlight moment…
Spotlight Moment #2:
Our second spotlight moment, for which it was ultimately a defining moment for those who know our Dede’s love of dancing, from old school mash potato dancing to the electric slide and everything in between. Thanks to Yolanda Owens, owner of Iwi Fresh Day Spa, our Dede was not only blessed with a great holistic spa manicure and pedicure, but also a dance with big sister Yolanda as well. We videotaped it. She makes and uses only natural ingredients in her products, which I love, and the atmosphere is one of what I call tranquil chill. We are so grateful for her and her entire team at Iwi Fresh Day Spa for making everyone that crosses their threshold feel at home. Go ahead, check them out at 341 Nelson Street, SW, Atlanta, GA 30313. The phone number is 404-577-8072
Now, back to our show…
Here are my take-away, tip, tool, and toss.
Take-a-Way:
Be careful not to label nor define another person, their journey, or circumstance. Allow them the space to tell you how they choose to define themselves and the moments in their lives. They might just surprise you with their response, and you both might walk away more edified by having just created a new defining moment, for the better.
Tip: Be mindful of your thoughts, emotions and the words that you attach to them, i.e. ask yourself how am I speaking over myself? Then adjust accordingly. Pause for a moment before speaking to be clear that what you are about to communicate is that which you are willing to face when it appears.
Tool: A good book on etymology. Why, because you will come to understand that many of the words presented to you by others, have just been regurgitated down through the ages, yet have absolutely no ties to the original meaning of the words they came from.
Toss: Choose five words that you use everyday, then go to the online Etymology dictionary and look them up. You will be surprised by what you learn. My defining moment words that I curiously looked up via this resource were God, entrepreneur, fear, awe, and holiday. Trust me when I tell you that how I interact with these words, now, are very different than I did before. I will leave the link to the online etymology dictionary in the show notes. https://www.etymonline.com/
Closing:
In closing, I’d like to take this time to thank you all, both my seasoned and new followers, for spending your time with me on today’s Joy in the Midst of It All journey.
Now, take a moment to tap the button on your favorite podcast streaming platform to tune in, follow, subscribe and rate the show. You will also receive updates when a new episode is released. We release an episode every second and fourth Thursday of the month. OK. Also, go ahead and tag a family caregiver, or a few, if you know them, and tell them one thing you learned today that will support you, and maybe them, in moving through the caregiving journey with more ease, no matter who God has chosen for you to offer your gift of caregiving to. Then, blaze a trail on over to my podcast website, for the show notes, transcript, and links, and if your heart so leads you tip me what I like to call a “Cup of J.O.E. (A jolt of encouragement and support),” over at Buy Me a Cup of Coffee link, though, I prefer tea. You will see the link in the show notes.
I am your host Aminah, and I want you to be blessed and less stressed...Why?, because yours and their lives depend on it. Have a great day.
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